June 7, 2010 7:47 pm

posted by decoyaryan

I read in some forum entries yesterday that these “guys” go out to the mall and without wanting to they decide to buy clothes for there alter ego’s… and that has happened to me on more then one occassion.. I’ll be there in a store not even thinking that I’m going to buy anything woman clothing related and BOOM!! it hits me out of nowhere… I can have the urge to buy something.. mostly pantyhose or tights or panties, but sometimes a woman will walk by and either she will be wearing something I will notice, or by the off chance, she will be nice to me.. and if a woman is remotely nice to me I can fall head over heels for her… not in love or crush, but feel really good about myself…   if  you read this site very regular, and I don’t think I have very many readers, then you know that I try to explain what or why I do what I do by way of others … I fantasize about a lot of things happening, like dressing up and going to a store somewhere.. for some they want to come out to as many people as they can.. for me, I think I live in some form of fear of that very thing happening… although I think I would be alright, and think the worst would happen and likely it wouldn’t… I am more afraid of something going terribly wrong.. it is very private, except for here where I am still very much unknown, my identity that is… would you know me if you saw me on the street in my “man” drag (drab)?? I wouldn’t or couldn’t even begin to think of who else might crossdress…. I’ve tried to immagine who might be a crossdresser but that is very hard when I can’t see myself in “drag” when out amongst the people.. even when I wear panties or hose of some sort I still feel like I’m just another person in the crowd… I do feel that if it weren’t for a lot of men wearing pantyhose/tights that the market would all but fold for these fantastic feeling articles of clothing… and I have to keep saying this and that is that I think crossdressing is somewhat of a mental dissease, I mean I just can’t stop… nor do I want to… there have been those that say that if there were a pill that they could take to stop from wearing womens clothes that they would take it and be through with this… but I would have to weigh the circumstances… ok on the one hand I would save money on clothing and a lot of time would be freed up to do something else (rob a bank), but on the other hand I think I would miss the rush of buying the clothing, trying to hide my identity, and clothes and makeup (et. al.).. I’ve been looking at some more shoe sites and have uploaded a lot of shoes to the (final) shoe album “Zappos” and there you will find where my shoe fetish has taken me lately.. boots.. that’s right boots.. just a few pictures of boots thats all.. I like some boots but have only had two pair of boots, one was a pair of what were called “granny boots” in white and a lower heel (about two inches) and the other pair were a pair of black high heeled boots that were the definition of pain to wear.. but I ditched both pairs of boots because the were both lace type, where you have to tie them on, and that represented a commitment to wearing them for however long.. and if someone were to come in the house I would all but be caught.. so I only had these for about a year.. well the black pair were gone within a two month time frame (they hurt my feet so they were rarely worn anyway)… then there’s the question of if wearing womens clothing were completely accepted, would I do it… yes, I think I would wear it.. though I have to say that when I was a little boy and made to dress up for church that I really hated it… even though the shoes were dress up sunday best, I hated to dress up… but now here I am for the past thirty plus years secretly dressing up more then anyone would ever immagine… on to the entry from “crossdressers.com” :